


A  Whirl round Whitehall: the diary of Bernard Woolley.

by TayBartlett9000



Category: The New Statesman (TV 1987), Yes Minister
Genre: Civil Servants, Comedy, Conservatives, Diary, Friendship, Gen, Government, Humour, Manipulation, Politics, Whitehall - Freeform, blackmale, ministerial broadcasts, state afairs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 15:01:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16600193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TayBartlett9000/pseuds/TayBartlett9000
Summary: Bernard and  Humphrey  have a new minister  working in the  Department for Administrative afairs, and Humphrey believes that he will be easy to house train. But for  many reasons, Bernard isn't so sure. His diary will chronicle the events of his and Sir Humphrey's work with the famous Alan B'stard, the worst member of  parliament that has  ever walked through the coridors of Whitehall.





	A  Whirl round Whitehall: the diary of Bernard Woolley.

So apparently, the department for administrative afairs has a new minister. I wasn’t  worried. Mr Hacker had been one of our most successful ministers, despite the fact  that he and Sir Humphrey had faught like  the proverbial cat and dog, though I’m not at all sure which was the cat and which was the dog most of the time.

Anyway, about our new man. I said I wasn’t worried, but I can tell you that I bloody am now. The unconcern evolved swiftly into concern this morning when  Sir Humphrey brought  in his  file. It was a rather extensive file in truth, a full two hundred and fifty plus pages  and as we set to reading through it, I had the sneaking   suspicion that I was  soon to regret becoming one of her mejsty’s civil servants.

Sir Humphrey didn’t seem too concerned, however. “Well, Bernard,” he said brightly as he finished reading through the final scandalous page of the document, “I think we’ve got a man who’ll be easy to house train. I don’t think we’ll have many problems with him.”

I shook my head, unconvinced. I in no way shared Sir Humphrey’s lack of  worry over this particular minister. I had read through Alan B’stard’s file and liked not what  I had read.

I had  of course seen  his type of man before, the    arrogant politician  who is somehow of the opinion that he is doing the civil servants in his employment a favour by simply residing in the same office. I have  seen many a minister who adopts Alan B’stard’s  blackmailing behaviour and I do not think that he  will be as  compliant as Sir   Humphrey wishes him  to be. I know that Sir Humphrey Appleby knows a great deal about manipulation  himself. He has tried out and succeeded in using that very tactic on every single  DAA minister who has stepped through those  office doors. But I am thinking that he will have a fight on his hands this time.

Alan B’stard’s reputation is legendary.  Most people know already about the many self serving campaigns that he has launched in the past, all of them disguised as political campaigns or charitable  ventures but all launched for the interests and finantial benefit of Mr B’stard himself.  I believe that Sir Humphrey’s  wish is to prevent him from doing this in our department. How well he will succeed, I have no idea. My trepidation of this man and his political asignations is  growing by the hour. Alan B’stard is due to arrive  in our department tomorrow morning and I don’t really feel ready for it. He is coming with his personal assistant,  a man  called Piers Fletcher-Dervish. I don’t know how much influence this man has over B’stared’s behaviour. Not much is my guess. I will just have to ensure that Piers and I work together in our quest to keep the department out of the limelight. Hacker’s pollacies almost  caused our ship  to sink a few times and I think that Mr B’stard may just cause it to sink entirely.  The weight of this  political burden has clearly fallen upon the shoulders of Sir Humphrey and  myself.  It will be hard work at no mistake.

The sun is setting over  Westminster now and I think that  I am able to leave the office and return home now. Humphrey and I have already organised his  paperwork and red boxes in preparation for his arrival. It is imperitive that no matter  who our new minister is, we need to keep the department running as smoothly as we can. His papers are piled neatly upon the desc that was once occupied by Mr Hacker, and as I look at that now vaykent desc, I find that I am missing him. Having Alan B’stard in the office won’t be much fun.

I’m going to need a good night sleep before I return to this office. Can’t say that I’m looking forward to it. But I  certainly have a  lot to think about.


End file.
